Happy 2nd Birthday, Rory-Jane.

Somehow, on Monday, you're two, my wubsy girl. You're growing up way too quickly, and every single moment is fascinating and magical. You're such a funny girl, with enormous personality.

You like to share my face creams, nail polish, and to have your hair brushed. Yet you play in the dirt, and roughhouse with the boys. You're so adaptable, so cruisy. Your favorite part of every day is school run. You love taking Finn to school and picking him up, and boy does the school love you. Teachers, parents, a myriad of children look at and comment on you adoringly. Several of Finns classmates endlessly seek hugs and waves from you, every day. And you willingly oblige. Like a royal on tour, you wave grandly, totally comfortable in the spotlight and attention. When you fell, and scraped your knees, you were SO proud of the scabs. You'd hoist your pant legs up for WEEKS after, and proudly show all and sundry, delighting in their indulgent cries of "Oh no!!!"

You mostly talk in babble still. Why use language when people pretty much get you everything you need and want without it, right? Somehow, yogurt is pronounced 'hala' and is your absolute favorite food. You loved the prawns we had for dinner, and there isn't much you'll refuse to eat.

When you are offered something that makes you happy, you pump your little fists in the air and shout, "Oh la!!!" (oh yeah!) It is hilarious. Naturally, the rest of us all say 'Oh la!!' now too, in moments of excitement.

You know that you're only allowed your dummy at night in bed, and you love to go and steal it from the cot during the day for a quick suck, then show me what you are doing, with mischief and cheek. You put it right back when asked, but you like to show me you're being rebellious first. Such a ratbag!

Recently, you have increasingly developed your sweet side. You'll walk by me, and stop to kiss my arm, or hug my legs. You adore your Mama, and often insist it is me that has your full attention, shunning all others. So fickle. lol. When you want someones attention, you will call them loudly and repeatedly, until you have it. "MAMA. MAMA. MAMA. MAMA." Often, you will grab my face in your hands and turn it to you, forcing me to pay attention if I am not quick enough for your liking. You crack me up. You know what you want, that's for sure. And you are fast learning how to get it!

You adore the puppy you got for your birthday. "DOH DOH!" you call, and make hooting noises to imitate a calling whistle. He is equally besotted with you, and if he is out of your sight, you wont relax until you find him again. I foresee a great friendship between you both for years to come. Perfect.

Still, above all, your favorite person in the world, is definitely your 'Ma'. This is what you call Finn. Ma. We eventually worked out, that you are saying "mine" - he is yours. You adore him. You mimic everything he does, everything he says, and you seek his attention and love constantly. He is so good to you. Patient, helpful, loving, and kind. No wonder you adore him so much. He shares his toys, snacks, and life with you, and you think he is your very own special friend. I guess that's exactly what he is. It is so beautiful for me to watch that sibling relationship blossom. There truly is nothing more special.

As for what you mean to me, baby girl, you save me. It's been a rough few years, and you and your brother are just so amazing, I cannot help but feel like the luckiest woman alive. My heart feels like it will explode with love. I wish that I could pause time, you are at such a precious, innocent, and sweet age. Sometimes at night if I am feeling sad or lonely, I look at your pictures and I can't help but grin.

I absolutely adore you. I can't tell you enough. You are pure sunshine, absolute radiant joy, and sheer delight.

"Hey, RJ... Guess what?"
"I loh loo"
"I love you too, beewee girl."

Happy Birthday, my beauty.

Happy 1st Birthday, baby girl.

6 years ago, I started trying to conceive you, my second child. My RJ.

5 years ago, I had a dream. I was talking to a 5 or 6 year old girl in my kitchen, she was my daughter. She was telling me not to give up trying to conceive her, because if I did she would never exist, and that just could not be allowed to happen. She was so cute, fair honey brown hair, blue eyes... I assured her I'd hang on. I had renewed hope. It was you.

4 years ago, I was wilting. I was scared and I was hurting. I was angry. Infertility is soul crushing.

3 years ago I had given up. I accepted you were but a dream. I killed the dream and it broke my heart. I felt I had let you down, but I had nothing left to give anymore. Then hope whispered try again. Courage came.

2 years ago, I failed IVF #1. It hurt. I threw myself into Christmas. I denied the terrifying fear that you would never come, yet again.

12 months ago tomorrow, you came hurtling into the world in the back of an ambulance. Drama queen! Life has been dramatic since. Yet you are an utter delight. You are like sunshine, or bubbles. My heart swells every time I even look at you. That squished up face when you smile your cheesiest grin, melts me instantly. Your :-O face cracks me up endlessly. You're daring and brave, and feisty and funny. So much personality. Your blue eyes are full of emotion, your hair is fair honey brown - you already resemble that child from my dream. You are utterly amazing. I am so freaking proud you're mine. Your adoration and love for your big brother is outweighed only by his for you.

I get teary thinking about how close I was to quitting on getting you. 5 goddamn years Janey girl! I am so incredibly bloody glad I stuck at it. So glad I was a determined, stubborn, bitter, angry, pain in the arse, because it got me you. I can't imagine life without you now. You're all I dreamed of and more. And my love for you is immeasurable. You're perfect.

You were so worth that wait. Worth every tear, every heartache, every pain, every hell. You. Were. Worth. It. ALL.

Your very first birthday, I hope it delights you. I have so many wishes for you my beewee. I hope you dream big. I hope you love hard. I hope you take risks. I hope you believe in the wonder that is you.

Happy Birthday, baby girl. I luboo.

The internet is evil (and other credit card traps)

Since discovering our wee baby is healthy and growing strongly, I have been overcome with a desire to shop. I am not really a big shopper at the best of times, I am generally quite conservative and not overly impulsive. But I have spent an astronomical amount of money this week, the mind boggles. I blame tax returns in part, another credit card trap along with the internet that one should be forewarned about. You know the money is coming so you spend up, and then the temptation to just go a bit over... bit more maybe... is just too easy. Oh but the fun!!!!!

So, this week I have purchased and am having imported an entire nursery collection (quilt, bumper, sheet, dust ruffle, nappy stacker, window valance, cushions, wall hanging, mobile, lamp, pram blanket, hamper, rug, basket liners and baskets) from the US all in the most adorable Swan Lake ballerina theme. Nothing I found here in Australia was as nice, and with the aussie dollar pretty much equal to the US at the moment, and no GST to factor in, it cost me the same as the set I had my eye on here in Aus that was gender neutral (and in the end, nowhere near girly enough...)

Now the bumper won't go on the cot, but I am wondering if it might not go around the inside edge of the change table, will have to experiment. Any ideas for the window valance thing that won't fit the window in the nursery but came in the pack? No doubt I can come up with some use for it.

I then attempted as reported earlier, to finalise my furniture laybuy, but there is a slight delay, so that should happen in the next 2 weeks. The furniture I posted once before is the Mali Euro cot and changer/robe. God, in 5 weeks I will be setting it all up. Imagine!!!!

I also discovered the EVIL website Janie & Jack - again American, again with far more beautiful clothes than anything I have seen here. Their prices are expensive (ish) but because our seasons are opposite, their end of season sales are perfect for us! So I saved a fair bit, made it a reasonable expedition. But it was SO hard not to get carried away. So many beautiful dresses... Remind myself I have a lifetime of dresses to buy. Must contain self.

I tried to laybuy some spare sheets and blankets, towels, grobag and muslin wraps but the website seems to be defunct so I need to start that again elsewhere. I did manage to score a bargain on a spare cot blanket I loved. RRP $50, it was on sale for $10. Super bargain!

Aside from that, I have also spent $400 on a trampoline for Finns birthday in 3 weeks, and sent off another order for some more party stuff. I still have a couple of little bits to get for the party but then its just the food. Almost organised but I feel tired at the very thought of it. Its only supposed to go for 2 hours, but how do you make people leave after that time?! I have made sure J knows he is going to be the one working hardest that day, its going to be exhausting!

And on top of ALL that, we have term 3 school fees to pay - over 1k - so I really HAVE to stop shopping. At least for a few weeks. Then I can start again. :D

Another photo post

And another birthday over for my boy! He had a great time on Saturday at his wiggly party. I am just going to start with some more photos from the school birthday thing, from mums camera (her photos are better than mine!)



And another (isn't he so cute!?)






Yummy cake!



Wiggle birthday boy - hooray!!



School mates!



Party time -



Presents!



Cake - I was not overly happy with it. Did the job but meh.



Blowing out candles with Dad (My fave pic!)



Lego - Woot, had fun building this with Finn!



And finally, what he has been taking to bed and playing with a lot!



He also got the friends figurines (captain, wags, dorothy and henry); dora boots and swiper toys, wiggles books, wiggles pop up book, gumboots, a top, an awesome wiggles watch that I REALLY want to keep myself... Stickers (he is sticker mad!), crayons, coloring books (wiggles of course!); a cd/book, pencil case, money... and I always forget stuff... As I said, he got far too much!

He had a bloody good day, and spent yesterday playing with it all and said last night "today was a great day mum!" Today is a stay at home and catch up day. He starts his 4 mornings this week so that will be interesting!!

Happy Birthday Babe-a-licious!

Hooray! My babe is 4! Actually, not until 7pm on the dot. About now, I was just in a whole lotta hurt!

This morning we had presents - first the guitar. I asked him to smile and he said "rockstars don't smile mama." Touche.



Then the Wiggles shirt; he posed this without prompt:



Then I took him to school and do some shopping and cleaning up. Mum came and then she and I and J went to Finn's school for the birthday celebration they do. We had previously given them a photo of Finn at each year (so newborn, 1, 2, 3) and they strung them in a vertical line down some ribbon, and these hang on the wall. Today, when we got there, all the kids were in a circle (including Finn) and we sat down and on the floor in the middle of the circle was his sun:



The teacher held up his newborn photo and they all talked about what babies are like at that age, what they eat (milk) what they do (nothing much!) and so on. Then Finn took this globe:



And the class all sang: "The earth goes around the sun, the earth goes around the sun. Around, around, around, around, the earth goes around the sun." Finn walked around the sun with the globe to show the passing of one year.



Then they talked about what 1 year olds were like and asked J and I was Finn crawling? Standing? etc. Then they sang again and Finn walked again; likewise for three and then they did a last one for four and talked about what he might do now he is 4. Next they little candles on the cake and sang Happy Birthday and he blew them out and cut the cake. He also then handed out the pieces to us and to the other kids which he loved doing!



Then he came and sat with us, we held his photo strand and they took a photo that will be added on now, as his 4 year old photo. Afterwards, we came home and Nanny and Pa gave him his next present. A kickarse slot car/bike track thingamy. Took a while to set it up, but its a huge hit!



Then he spent ages playing with J reenacting various wiggly scenes in his Jeff shirt and pretending to play his guitar with his mouth (albeit the wrong way around!)



At about 5pm, his Uncle and Auntie called in with little Shelby his cousin, so he had a blast playing with them for an hour as well. They have just left, and we are off to get something yummy for tea - Finn's choice of course. He has had some lovely messages and calls and emails from so many beautiful people, all of us have such gorgeous people in our lives to think of him, and us. Thank you!!!!!

Soon cake and mercifully, bed - I'm pooped! And we haven't even hit Saturday party day yet!

Rock on!!

Tomorrow marks 4 years...

Finn post haircut today, looking somewhat unimpressed...

Dearest Finn,

And so, your fourth year comes to an end. It has been a busy year, it doesn’t feel too much like it has flown as it has in years gone by. A lot has happened. Just after your last birthday, we took a family holiday for a few days to Cowes at Phillip Island. We had a great time at the beach, the playground, seeing the penguins, koalas and Churchill island. Was a really nice break, and we named it Finnfest06 because it really was all about you and what you would enjoy! This year (Finnfest07?) we are off to Tassie!

You are a funny boy, from as early as 3 you were memorizing entire books and reciting them back to us in their entirety. These were not short books either, but decent length ones – utterly gobsmacking. You are a clever clogs, no doubtski aboutski!
We moved to a new town, before we really wanted to, it all happened very fast and coincidentally the weekend we came to check out houses, there was a sign out for the Montessori schools open day. This is a twice a year event, so pretty freaky timing! We went along and they had 3 spots left so we snapped one up on the spot. As I said – all very fast and god it has been the best thing!!! You are thriving and they really know you, and are doing everything to help you reach your potential, including increasing you to 4 mornings now, as of next week. When you first went, I cried and cried. It was so difficult to let you go! You did well, my little trooper. You have had some wobbly moments, and some tears, but you really love it. You have mastered a lot of what is being taught, and are ready for the extra morning. The teacher told me that she was teaching the older kids numbers 1-20 and turned around and there you were, having done the lot when even the older kids were struggling. Bless! There was also mention of you in the school newsletter one week as “a first year with beautiful language such as answering ‘of course’ when asked a question, and ‘that’s fantastic.’” They comment on it a lot to me,, that you are an amazing little boy. We are so proud!

You have been toilet trained since the end of last year, including overnight. I think I could count the number of accidents you have had in total on one hand. You did it yourself really, one night you asked to wear undies to bed, no more nappy – and we’ve not looked back you little gem! I was rapt!

This year you have had your first nights away from home, having spent a night at Nanny and Pa’s three times now. You did that well and happily too, though we walked round the house in circles feeling lost for the most part! It was odd, you really are growing up fast babe. You adore Shelby and she is just enamored by you, utterly smitten by you, its very cute! She has just started walking and talking to you (in her baby language) which is sweet! They are expecting baby number 2 in a matter of weeks, and we have explained it to you. Your reply was that you didn’t want a brother or sister, just your mama and Dadda, because we’re a team. How sweet! I think that will change one day but you are happy for now!

You are also now writing letters and numbers which are just gorgeous (sometimes backwards and heart meltingly sweet) and you can read words if they can be sounded out phonetically, which is exciting! Also why the teachers want you for an extra morning a week now. They report that you are a perfectionist and also like to watch something in action before attempting it yourself as you hate failing at things and like to be confident of completing it right before trying. I am always telling you mistakes are okay!

You are still Wiggles mad, happy with Sam replacing Greg, and often reenacting things they do (e.g. origami whale!) You love imaginary play full stop and often re enact various shows you watch (and want to do everything the play school lot do!) Your drawings are now very realistic and you draw animals, people and scenes brilliantly. You love using my laptop and do so expertly now, clicking and dragging and using the touchpad like an expert. You are music mad – video hits is your favourite show and your fave band is probably Silverchair. We watched a concert of theirs on ABC2 last weekend and Daniel Johns was playing his guitar with his mouth. Well! You just thought that was the coolest of cool, and you often play a pretend guitar with your sunglasses on and say you are a rockstar. Rock on dude.

You chatter non stop (get that from your mum!) and are Dad’s mate, and Mama's little boy. Normally, I feel bittersweet and sort of sad on your birthday as you grow up; this year I just feel excited. You are coming into your own so amazingly well, and it is so cool to see. I am excited to see you continue to grow and learn. You have lost your baby face almost completely now, which is sort of sad, but you are such a good looking kid (no I am NOT biased!)

A list of beautiful things you have said this year:
You're my best friend.
I said I was scared of sharing my writing with uni and you said “I’ll do it for you mama, I'm not scared of writing!”
Why does every people look different?
Why has Jai got brown skin?
One day I woke to hear this: Dadda, isn’t mama beautiful?
Conthirty (not confetti)
Where is the earth of Jeff?
I’ll draw a loveheart to cheer you up mama. What makes you think I am sad? I just know.
Knock knock. Who's there? Who do you expect?
Puh-lease knock it off (felice navidad).
All I love is just you.
You know how I feel? I feel loved.
Ive got something to say to you mama. Sometimes you ARE clever and sometimes you're NOT clever.

Love you so much, more than I will ever be able to let you know. You’re the best babe! Love you!
Mama xxxxx

Puh-lease knock it off

Finn was watching Dora's christmas show today and she sang the Spanish song "felice navidad" (Merry Xmas); Finn began singing it himself.. "Puh-lease knock it off... puh-lease knock it off" he sang in his dreadfully out of tune way. No idea where he got it from or where he has heard that said before... teehee.

Before, he was pretending to be a witch with a wand and hat. Me being me, I stole the wand and hid it, and then when he wasn't looking, I put it back on the table and he turned around and there it was. The look on his face as he picked it up and walked off - I kid you not I had tears streaming down my face and J was also in hysterics. It was a look of such derision and a complete "don't for one second think I don't know what just happened here, but no way in hell am I going to verbalise it and give you the satisfaction you're after!" Oh tears and wheezing... so funny.

So, what have you been up to this weekend people? Me? Not a great deal. Yesterday Finn and I went to the park, library and DVD shop, household stuff, watched You, Me and Dupree with J and last night, I spent a great deal of time sorting these:



So that only Wiggle colors remained and the orange and green were gone. Now they are ready to go on his cake, took a long time, and was insanely tedious... things we do huh?

I did eventually, complete the task:

Ohmegosh!!! 2 weeks to go!

And my baby turns 4 just 2 weeks from tomorrow. How did this happen? Where was I in this time?! I think I am going to give him a wiggle themed birthday (AGAIN). He is not into lots of kids and a big party, just family would be his comfort zone. He wants to have it here but I keep trying to con him into having it at nanny and pa's because there is more room there!

So! For his bday we have a kids electric guitar and if not sold out, I want to get a vtech globe from the target toy sale thats on at the moment. Otherwise, something wiggly probably. Although J wont let me get him a wiggles doona as a bday present. Fair call I s'pose but the kid has SO many toys and so much stuff...

So! What am I planning for the bday party? I have given it exactly 5 minutes worth of thought thus far. Make everyone dress in a wiggles color I think. A cake with a wiggles topper of some sort. Or a big red car shaped cake that frankly, theres no bloody way I'd be clever enough to pull off. But I could pay someone else to! Wiggle colored balloons and a banner, wiggle plates etc. I might buy a couple of roasts for Dad to whack on the spit, and do some salads or vegies.

What have I forgotten?! HELP! What else can I do to make it a bit special? Please ideas are not my strong point (the above are pretty much ALL Lea's ideas), I need muchos helpos.

I think I know!

An escape package at a dayspa in Daylesford/Hepburn Springs...




One night package which includes accommodation, buffet breakfast, 2 course lunch, 3 course dinner, 60min Li'Tya Kodo massage, 45min Li'Tya Mirri Facial, Hydrotherapy bath and 60min retreat access pass.

The massage is "inspired by traditional aboriginal techniques which work to balance and re-align energy flow, enhancing mind and body wellness etc."

The facial is a "pressure point massage to relieve stress and tension whilst stimulating circulation. Incorporates scalp and shoulder massage..."



Hydrotherapy bath is "180 power jets massage away stress and tension leaving you feeling fresh and revived."

Retreat access pass is in mineral waters, "dip into the cool plunge pool then slip into the deep hot spa. Wander between 3 different saunas/steam rooms before enjoying a herbal tea in the lounge on on the sun deck."



How divine.... Costs a fortune, but so what?! I deserve it! :D

I am getting old

I turn 30 this year and I have no idea what I should do to mark it. I would like to do something a little bit special, but I am not sure what to do about it.

Perhaps a night away in a spa place? Sky dive?! (nix that). Party? 5 months to decide. 5 months remaining of my twenties, that freaks me out a bit actually, when did I get old? I still think I am about 23! Must be something original and fun and special that I can do?

Hmm.

A year older, and the year ahead!

Written: 20 November 2006

It was my birthday last Thursday. Remember when that was a good thing?! I have begun the final year of my twenties, and I am clinging onto them for dear life. 30 next year, means I really am an adult, and there no escaping it. I am convinced I am still about 19. Somehow, ten years have passed and it has me beat how I missed them. They've been bloody good years though! J and I have been together for most of them, and still, I am sure it was only yesterday I fell in love with him at uni! And of course, the world was turned upside down in that time when our gorgeous boy arrived in the world. Youth is one thing, but I'd be old forever to have my little boy (if only I could keep him at this beautiful, 'mama is my world' age!)

So what of the next year? Someone asked this on a website I use and it was a good thing to consider. Bit early for resolutions (that I dont think I have ever kept anyway), but good to set some goals.

I applied to do a postgrad qualification so I am hoping I am accepted. I have been studying tourism, and I have enjoyed it, but I dont think it will fit with what I want the next few years of my life to be. Its all about long hours and shift work and rotating rosters. Thats fine when my boy, F, is a little older, but in his early school years, I dont want to be too far away. I could always return if I wanted to anyway.

So I thought I would dig out my so far useless Bach Arts degree and get a postgrad in teaching, and teach secondary for a while. Its the other job that has always held appeal for me. I could get the Grad Dip in Education next year and be ready to teach, but all I could teach would be philosophy, psychology and social ed/sociology. So I decided, I have 2 years before I want to go back to work fulltime, so I will spend next year getting a post grad in literary studies so I can add english to my potential classes. Admittedly, there is also an element in there of doing literature for the sheer pleasure of it. NERD!

Since F will be at kindergarten 3 mornings a week, I can study full time (have managed a half load the last 18 months with him home fulltime). I am going to need something to fill that time. I am dreading him going!

He has started last week doing 2hours a week to get him used to it for the 3 mornings next year. He LOVED it. I know he is so ready and will thrive, so I am happy, but of course, the part of me letting go for the first real time is sad. I feel like its the beginning of the end of my job as a full time mother... it is. But thats not entirely bad... just a wee bit sad. Its gone so fast and I have adored every second.

Which makes me think about the whole should we have more children thing again... Will make a decision in the next few months about returning to fertility treatment. Have had 12 months off now, and had decided that was it and was struggling to accept that. Then I realised I dont have to say its definitely over, I can always change my mind! It sounds simple but it was liberating. So, I'll decide... one day...

Speaking of infertility, next year a weekend away is being planned with the small group of women who have been like my support group through infertility. All 7 of us face fertility "challenges" (HA!) and have become like family, and we are scattered across Australia, so we have marked the long weekend in March as one we will spend together, drinking, eating and being merry! (Unless of course, theyre all up the duff, which would mean I'd drink alone for the 7 of us! Woot!)

Also want another holiday with my boys next year, and to spend more time with my beautiful little niece. I just feel like its going to be a good year.