Religion and Homosexuality

It has been a long time since I blogged, personally. I have been blogging semi-regularly over at kellysmith.com.au in a professional capacity, but what better way to return to personal blogging than with a wowzer of a controversial topic?! How very me.

This link is the one in a string I have read on twitter this week, relating to suicides of young people, due to bullying, and often as a result of homosexuality. Two stood out to me this morning, and have really affected me - enough to prompt me to blog, anyway. Aside from the previous link, this blog entry at Scary Mommy, written by a guest blogger (@TexanMama) really upset me.

I don't understand it. How can someone be so upset that their kids teacher is gay? I wouldn't have a clue if F's teacher is gay, straight or all of the above. And you know what, if she was, and it DID affect the discussions and focus of the teaching, then great! I am all for his mind being opened to all kinds of walks of life. The more he understands we are all different - and that's okay - the better.

How can love be wrong? Ever? How??? Isn't love the entire point? Isn't that what we are here for? How can that ever be wrong??? And if your God is telling you it is, surely there is some problem there? I am not religious. AT ALL. Organized religions do nothing but upset me. I am spiritual. I believe... in something. Maybe. Organized religions seem to be nothing but trouble and hatred and judging.

Our children, teenagers all over the world, are KILLING THEMSELVES. They are dying. Because they are not accepted. Because they cannot bear to be alive in a world that tells them they are evil, wrong, and unworthy, simply because of who they are. How tragic is that?? Why does it bother you, what other people do and who they love? Why does it bother you that a childs role model is openly gay? They NEED these role models. They need to see that love is always okay. F asked me once about a friend at school that had 2 mums, and I explained that families are all kinds of different. 2 mums, 2 dads, one of each, only one, grandparents... That some people marry boys, some marry girls, and every match up is okay. So long as people are happy and in love!

I feel heavy hearted that people advocate and spout this sort of stuff. Someone asked how would I feel if F were to become a conservative christian, in the same way we ask those people how they'd feel if their children were gay. How would I feel? I would love him. I would respect his choices. And I would appreciate all that is wondrous, beautiful, and loving about him, the same way that I do now. Why is that such a hard concept for anyone to grasp?

I wish I could inspire a revolution of change. I wish I could end the homophobia and bigotry, and it desperately upsets me that I am just one person. All I can do is ensure that I raise the 2 children I have with open minds, and loving hearts. Regardless of creed, sexuality, or anything else. It's the best I can do.

My boy is home...

Sadface.

R.I.P. My darling boy

This morning, my beautiful Henry, was put to sleep. I read this poem yesterday, and spent most of the day crying. I am going to miss him so much. It aches, so terribly.


Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...



R.I.P. Hendrix 1995-2010
I miss you already, my beautiful, loyal, nuppy. Thank you for your comfort, love, and loyalty over eleven long years. You were one in a million, mate. I love you.

You all should know...

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too
busy to give you any time.
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than an poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no
prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
THEN, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Author Unknown

Saying Goodbye

How do you say goodbye to your best friend?? The little furry baby that has been part of your life, and a great deal of your heart for over 11 years?

My darling Hendrix, ran away over the long weekend. Thankfully, he was picked up by a vet, the end result was a conversation I had been planning to schedule with a vet in the next few months, but it was thrust upon me before I was ready. And she told me what I didn't want to hear. What I knew i would hear, but didn't want to.

It's time.

Hendrix is 14. He has all kinds of old dog problems. He has a heart murmur, dodgy lumps, losing weight, bad teeth... And he has been getting steadily worse. We needed a professional opinion about what was best for him. And today, I got it.

It's time.

I remember the day we found him wandering about our front yard in Warrnambool. It was December 13th, 1998. Josh's birthday and I was having an afternoon nanna nap. I had wanted a dog for some time, but was still umming and ahhing over committing to it. Hendrix decided for me. I woke up to J coming into the room, carrying this sweet, white, fluffball. I thought I was dreaming! I was so excited! He was so lovely. We kept him that weekend, he had a tag so on Monday morning, i called the council to find his owner. "A dalmation is it?" she asked. "er, no!" I replied looking at the little white ball of fluff at my feet. "Are you sure?!" She asked me. "Quite!" I answered, laughing, and described him. She called me back later, the owner had found him, and was looking for a home for him. She had put one of her dogs old tags on him in the meantime. I hung up and looked at Josh. "I WANT HIM!!!" I said, bursting into tears. We called her back and explained we were going away for Christmas, but could she PLEASE hold onto him for us until we returned from interstate. She agreed. Yay! She had found him roaming the countryside near Mortlake, matted fur, injured, hungry. A vet had fixed him up and groomed him, and he was about 3 years old, they guessed, though his teeth were fairly poor condition and at first made them think he was even older.

And he has been with me ever since. For everything. He was my baby before I had babies. Slept on my bed at night, took him for beach walks and to my parents farm visiting. When J and I separated the first time, and I was alone, and pregnant, and terrified - he was there every night, all night, to comfort me. He would nuzzle in when I cried, guard me, in a sense. He was there and graciously accepted the demotion when Finn was born, and again with RJ, never acting hurt or resentful. Gentle with the babies, loyal to the end.

He's been there for 5 house moves, he has escaped at least half a dozen times, but his tag always bought him home (except this last time). He has been, without a doubt, my best mate for a long time. I can't imagine how much I will miss hearing the click clack of his nails on the floor. Or feeling his warmth leaning against my legs for a cuddle. Even hearing that incessant yap yap yapping that drives me nuts! :)

I am glad that at least we can have a chance to say goodbye. To spend the next 4 days feeding him gourmet meat and scratching him behind the ears like he loves, for hours at a time. At 1130am on Saturday, I will be with him, at the vets. I will be there holding him, stroking him, and making sure that the last thing he hears, will be me saying "thank you" and "I love you."

So heartbroken. I love you HennyPen. Twosance. Nuisance. You-ey. Louise. Louie. Unnawee. Pendrix. Henry. Hendrix. Thank you for all the joy you bought to our family. You will be in my heart, always, mate.

Thinking

Of you 2 years on my friend.

I dreamed about you the other night. Man I have weird dreams!!! I dreamed that you had just died, and that we came to say goodbye to your body. You for some weird reason, resembled a baby, and not yourself, so I felt weird but pretended anyway and said bye. When I said "I am surprised you haven't punched me in the arm" (as you always did!) the baby did it and it was so you, and then I saw your face, normal and smiling and I hugged you for real, and said "I am so going to miss you, I never see you anymore, but man I am going to miss you" and then that was it, you were gone, and you turned into a puff of empty silk, and blew away.

I think my subconscious knew your anniversary was near, before my conscious registered the date. I still think about you lots. RIP, W. xx

Bit of a ramble

Today I seem to be thinking a lot of the friend I lost recently. It has been almost 3 months now, the first month was weird and sad, then things improved a bit and today I feel sad again. Its because I had another dream about him last night. Just after he died, I had two really weird dreams about him. He had come to spend time with me/us (my sister and mum too) and always had to "return" to death I guess? at the end of the dream. The second one we just sort of hung out and chatted and spent time together. It was so good, because we had not done that in years which made the way I felt about losing him weird. I felt like I shouldn't be grieving someone I had not spent time with in a number of years. I felt stupid for it. But, he was someone I admired and respected a lot (again snort at my choice of words because our initial relationship was based on hatred!!)

Argh. this really is a ramble. All out of order!

When we first met, he and his brother and mates used to give me a hard time at school and i HATED them. Then when I was about 16, my sister became good friends with him, and I came home from school to find this bully in my house. Imagine how that went down!!! But god, he not only made up for it, he went the other direction. I remember he wrote me a long apology letter, and during my final couple of years of high school, he was like an older brother to me, at the same parties etc. Stirring me, but in a good natured way, and looking out for me.

Anyway, given I moved away after high school, I didn't see him much, but my sister did, and Mum was friends with his Mum, and often updated me on his latest. I was always interested in hearing about him, I cared about him. He was a cheeky bugger, funny, and a bit of a ratbag. I really did think of him as an older brother figure. Anyway in that second dream I had not long after the funeral where we spent time together I thanked him in the dream, for taking the time to do that for me, and said it had meant a lot to me and he said he was privileged to be able to do it. I dunno what that means, after life privileges?! I don't even believe in an afterlife, so it was weird. But comforting, and sad too. Because I missed him more.

Last night I had another dream, nothing much different. Less poignant, more normal. But today, I miss him again. And I just wanted to ramble a bit, and think about him, and remember him. :(

Frankly...

Today sucked.

Stuff

Got an email from my lecturer last night, she assured me it was definitely an administrative error that she would confirm it Monday and sort it out for me. Thank goodness, a definite relief there.

Mum rang me yesterday with sad news. A friend of mine from high school times had died, he was only 32 and he had a heart attack. The weird thing was he had been at the Doctors about an hour before. What sort of incompetent quack saw him and dismissed it all??? I don't understand that. Anyway, I had not seen him in a number of years, he was more my sisters friend than mine, but we had some good times. We used to go to the same parties when we were about 17, 18. He would always look out for me a bit, which was nice. Sort of like what I imagined having an older brother would be like. His mum and mine are still very close friends, so Mum was called from where it all happened and went straight in. She said she went and saw him, afterwards, and said goodbye. That is always an eerie experience.

Bodies, dead bodies, are always so cold and heavy and empty. It's really strange. I am glad she got to say goodbye, they had a good friendship and I know he had a lot of respect for her, and thought highly of her. I think the funeral will be on Thursday. There will be a coroner's inquest given he saw the Dr so soon beforehand. I'm ok, as I said, I hadn't seen him for a number of years, but I always was interested in hearing what he was up to from mum. I always thought a lot of him. He and his twin brother and mates all come across as hard, tough blokes - but they're all really good guys at the heart of it.

Ugh. Just sad. Very, very sad. I'll feel your loss mate, but I can't help feel you finally have the peace that you tried so hard to find in life. :(