Somehow, on Monday, you're two, my wubsy girl. You're growing up way too quickly, and every single moment is fascinating and magical. You're such a funny girl, with enormous personality.
You like to share my face creams, nail polish, and to have your hair brushed. Yet you play in the dirt, and roughhouse with the boys. You're so adaptable, so cruisy. Your favorite part of every day is school run. You love taking Finn to school and picking him up, and boy does the school love you. Teachers, parents, a myriad of children look at and comment on you adoringly. Several of Finns classmates endlessly seek hugs and waves from you, every day. And you willingly oblige. Like a royal on tour, you wave grandly, totally comfortable in the spotlight and attention. When you fell, and scraped your knees, you were SO proud of the scabs. You'd hoist your pant legs up for WEEKS after, and proudly show all and sundry, delighting in their indulgent cries of "Oh no!!!"
You mostly talk in babble still. Why use language when people pretty much get you everything you need and want without it, right? Somehow, yogurt is pronounced 'hala' and is your absolute favorite food. You loved the prawns we had for dinner, and there isn't much you'll refuse to eat.
When you are offered something that makes you happy, you pump your little fists in the air and shout, "Oh la!!!" (oh yeah!) It is hilarious. Naturally, the rest of us all say 'Oh la!!' now too, in moments of excitement.
You know that you're only allowed your dummy at night in bed, and you love to go and steal it from the cot during the day for a quick suck, then show me what you are doing, with mischief and cheek. You put it right back when asked, but you like to show me you're being rebellious first. Such a ratbag!
Recently, you have increasingly developed your sweet side. You'll walk by me, and stop to kiss my arm, or hug my legs. You adore your Mama, and often insist it is me that has your full attention, shunning all others. So fickle. lol. When you want someones attention, you will call them loudly and repeatedly, until you have it. "MAMA. MAMA. MAMA. MAMA." Often, you will grab my face in your hands and turn it to you, forcing me to pay attention if I am not quick enough for your liking. You crack me up. You know what you want, that's for sure. And you are fast learning how to get it!
You adore the puppy you got for your birthday. "DOH DOH!" you call, and make hooting noises to imitate a calling whistle. He is equally besotted with you, and if he is out of your sight, you wont relax until you find him again. I foresee a great friendship between you both for years to come. Perfect.
Still, above all, your favorite person in the world, is definitely your 'Ma'. This is what you call Finn. Ma. We eventually worked out, that you are saying "mine" - he is yours. You adore him. You mimic everything he does, everything he says, and you seek his attention and love constantly. He is so good to you. Patient, helpful, loving, and kind. No wonder you adore him so much. He shares his toys, snacks, and life with you, and you think he is your very own special friend. I guess that's exactly what he is. It is so beautiful for me to watch that sibling relationship blossom. There truly is nothing more special.
As for what you mean to me, baby girl, you save me. It's been a rough few years, and you and your brother are just so amazing, I cannot help but feel like the luckiest woman alive. My heart feels like it will explode with love. I wish that I could pause time, you are at such a precious, innocent, and sweet age. Sometimes at night if I am feeling sad or lonely, I look at your pictures and I can't help but grin.
I absolutely adore you. I can't tell you enough. You are pure sunshine, absolute radiant joy, and sheer delight.
"Hey, RJ... Guess what?"
"I loh loo"
"I love you too, beewee girl."
Happy Birthday, my beauty.
Happy 2nd Birthday, Rory-Jane.
A beautiful birth day.
Today will go down as one of the most memorable, treasured and amazing days of my life. My lovely best friend, Megs, had her twin babies. From early on, she had asked me to be a support person at the birth, and I had been thrilled to accept. I had a holiday booked for late November, and the babes were not due until December 13th, but we were sure they would be here before then. As time went by, we got more and more nervous we had been wrong about that! Then, at 35 weeks and 2 days pregnant, at 445am, my phone rang.
"My waters just broke!!" Megan announced when I answered with my sleepy hello. That sure woke me up! I knew I needed to get up and moving and get on the road to meet her at the hospital, but it all seemed so surreal, and I had trouble getting moving, I seemed to be dilly dallying, though I was trying to move fast. Wake up fail.
At 5am, I was out the door and in the car, on my way. The entire drive in (takes me about 45min), I was driving toward sunrise, and the sky was the most spectacular shades of red, orange, pink and purple. Definitely a good omen, I thought to myself. I reminisced about the arrival of my 2 babes, and once I arrived, I took off from the carpark to the hospital. I know this girl. She births fast. Even if there ARE two.
At emergency, the registrar took me up to birthing and they let me in the suites. Andrew was outside the room, and said that Megs had just asked for me. I walked in and oh my god. There were at least 7 people in the room, aside from Megan. All nurses, midwives, doctors... One looked at me with that "And who are you??" look, and I offered that I was Megs support person, and was directed to her side.
Now, I have to say, when I was in labor with RJ, I yelled. A lot. Loudly. Megs was only saying "ow ow ow ow" - I was like really??? Are you kidding me!? What are you, superwoman?! She was amazing. I was so impressed, so inspired by her strength and determination. Megs had been told that because the babies were transverse (sideways), she would need a caesarian section, and she was understandably, worried and nervous about it. When I was standing by her side, I knew there was no way that was going on, she was in full on labor. Then I noticed there was a baby in the room! Sweet tiny Oliver Andrew was here already, my GOD! It had only been an hour since she called me!!! The doctor looked at me and said, "who are you? sister?" Andrew and I both said "YES." lol. He said that one baby had been born, breech, 2 minutes earlier, and the other was still floating, and not yet in position to be born, and it looked like surgery would be needed.
It was overwhelming to have so many in the room (several of the midwives said they were caught way off guard by not only a twin birth, but breech, and already in high intense phase, so I think they overcompensated for that!) - and Megs in pain was hard to bear. I suddenly felt for the role of partners in labour, its hard to see the person you love in pain and be unable to help them. Andrew was holding Megans hand and supporting her through contractions, and I was handed the most delightful little bundle. Little Oliver. He looked up at me, quiet, but interested. The little eyes blinking, trying to focus. I looked back at him with awe and wonder. There is something so magical about newborn babies. They restore your faith in a tough world. The innocence, the potential, the pure wonder.
Olly and I sat in the comfy chair and had a lovely cuddle, whilst the doctor said, "call for a C section please!" and I felt anxious for Megan again. No less than 30 seconds later, the doctor was covered in a burst of amniotic fluid as the amniotic sac burst. Nice shot, kiddo. Very impressive!! As I sat there, nursing one, tiny soul, I watched as another came into the world before my eyes, and the tears just flowed. Sebastian Kelly was born just 9 minutes after his older brother. It was the most amazing moment. 2 beautiful souls, my gorgeous best friend, birthing them HER way, and me in floods of tears of pride, joy, and excitement. Wow.
Little Sebastian had arrived, and let out a little cry as he was wrapped. The two babies were just amazing, and Andrew and I had cuddles while Megs was able to get more comfortable, before taking both babes for some long, special, skin on skin time. The 3 of us were on one hell of a high. When the babes were taken to special care, Andrew went along with them, and I was able to stay with Megan and hang out, both of us bouncy giggly excited. "TWO BABIES!!!!" was the catch cry of the day!
It took 2 hours before they came for Megs to take her up to see her babies, bloody slack hospital. But watching she and Andrew snuggle their 2 new boys, my heart just sang. It was so special. I took some photos, and then Jack and Lew arrived. I was able to witness them meet their little brothers for the first time. My heart near burst. 4 beautiful babies. My honorary nephews, all 4. Both bigger boys instantly adored the babies, kissing them, and smiling grins of wonder and delight. I left soon after... smiled all the way home.
I felt so closely bonded to Megan and Andrew, these 2 had been my best friends for years, but there was something indescribable about sharing such an intimate, enormous, life event with them. I felt so privileged to be included. Beyond that, having a baby named after me? Is something I can not effectively communicate. I tear up every time I think of it. There IS no bigger honour. I thought that being Lewis and Jack's godmother was huge. That being there for the twins birth was huge. This just blows me away. I've never felt so special in my life, as I do tonight.
I am so grateful, that they have made me such an integral part of their family, of their childrens lives. I can't wait to see these boys grow into men. I will cherish the friendship of this family until the day I die. What a lucky woman I am.
Religion and Homosexuality
It has been a long time since I blogged, personally. I have been blogging semi-regularly over at kellysmith.com.au in a professional capacity, but what better way to return to personal blogging than with a wowzer of a controversial topic?! How very me.
This link is the one in a string I have read on twitter this week, relating to suicides of young people, due to bullying, and often as a result of homosexuality. Two stood out to me this morning, and have really affected me - enough to prompt me to blog, anyway. Aside from the previous link, this blog entry at Scary Mommy, written by a guest blogger (@TexanMama) really upset me.
I don't understand it. How can someone be so upset that their kids teacher is gay? I wouldn't have a clue if F's teacher is gay, straight or all of the above. And you know what, if she was, and it DID affect the discussions and focus of the teaching, then great! I am all for his mind being opened to all kinds of walks of life. The more he understands we are all different - and that's okay - the better.
How can love be wrong? Ever? How??? Isn't love the entire point? Isn't that what we are here for? How can that ever be wrong??? And if your God is telling you it is, surely there is some problem there? I am not religious. AT ALL. Organized religions do nothing but upset me. I am spiritual. I believe... in something. Maybe. Organized religions seem to be nothing but trouble and hatred and judging.
Our children, teenagers all over the world, are KILLING THEMSELVES. They are dying. Because they are not accepted. Because they cannot bear to be alive in a world that tells them they are evil, wrong, and unworthy, simply because of who they are. How tragic is that?? Why does it bother you, what other people do and who they love? Why does it bother you that a childs role model is openly gay? They NEED these role models. They need to see that love is always okay. F asked me once about a friend at school that had 2 mums, and I explained that families are all kinds of different. 2 mums, 2 dads, one of each, only one, grandparents... That some people marry boys, some marry girls, and every match up is okay. So long as people are happy and in love!
I feel heavy hearted that people advocate and spout this sort of stuff. Someone asked how would I feel if F were to become a conservative christian, in the same way we ask those people how they'd feel if their children were gay. How would I feel? I would love him. I would respect his choices. And I would appreciate all that is wondrous, beautiful, and loving about him, the same way that I do now. Why is that such a hard concept for anyone to grasp?
I wish I could inspire a revolution of change. I wish I could end the homophobia and bigotry, and it desperately upsets me that I am just one person. All I can do is ensure that I raise the 2 children I have with open minds, and loving hearts. Regardless of creed, sexuality, or anything else. It's the best I can do.
R.I.P. My darling boy
This morning, my beautiful Henry, was put to sleep. I read this poem yesterday, and spent most of the day crying. I am going to miss him so much. It aches, so terribly.
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
R.I.P. Hendrix 1995-2010
I miss you already, my beautiful, loyal, nuppy. Thank you for your comfort, love, and loyalty over eleven long years. You were one in a million, mate. I love you.
You all should know...
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too
busy to give you any time.
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than an poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no
prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
THEN, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
Author Unknown
Saying Goodbye
