The worst nightmare I have ever had..

Last night I had a dream that today, I can't shake off. It was the worst dream I have had in my life, and believe me, I have had some doozies.
For some obscure reason, my son, who is 4, was convicted and sentenced to death because he had accidentally shot someone somehow. Insane I know, but it was a dream!
So I had to watch him be injected, and feel the panic, knowing he was about to die, and I couldn't reverse it. The panic and terror is indescribable. They told me he would start vomiting soon and then would die. I was holding him, screaming, looking for antidote, hoping vomiting would mean he would vomit the poison out. I feel sick just typing this and I am already crying.
I then said I had to leave the room, that I couldn't watch him actually die. But then I came back, and they removed the plastic hood from his head, and his face and lips, were all covered in sweat, from being in the plastic hood. And he was still, not quite dead.

Oh my god. i think I am going to go and throw up.

Its all over. For now.

And I am a postgrad! I have finished uni for the year and expect to pass the final assignments without too much stress, and so have satisfied the requirements for the Grad Dip of Literature. Hurrah!!

So when results come out they will process my articulation into the masters with the full advanced standing and I will have just 4 units to complete. I want to do them all in one in a research unit. That will require writing a 20,000 ish word fiction piece and a 4000 word exegesis. I can do that twice over on infertility with the interviews, diaries, and information I already have. But I feel like I should take the opportunity to challenge myself while I have support to do so.

Problem is, what to write about!? I am vaguely inspired, but also sort of not completely so. I have a few ideas, but nothing that is begging me to write. I just don't know what to attempt. I have to submit a proposal soonish to get into the research project, so I need to work it out NOW. I also need a Distinction average across 2 units, so waiting for my Fic B mark with baited breath!

Also, the unit chair that I enrol through, seems to be pushing me toward doing half semester 1 and half semester 2, but I want to do it ALL semester one (also an option); because if the IVF works, any of them; I could be pregnant and with a small babe semester 2! And if it doesn't work, then we could be onto cycle 3 or 4 of IVF and finding it increasingly difficult to cope with. Will see what happens when the prospective supervisor returns and it begins to take shape some more. I will put my case to them then.

I have loved this years study, it has flown. I have learned an enormous amount, and my writing has improved far beyond what I expected. Its been fantastic, I wish that I could keep going with it. The research will be good though. Anyone got some inspiration for me?!

Tough questions

So, we have already had the questions about why some people have brown skin, and the toughey about death. So the other day he asked if we could have a brown baby please. I had to explain that babies are a little bit of their mums and a little of their dads, and so, we could only have "skinny" skin (his term) babies. Someone asked how I would ever explain the answer to where do babies come from, given I will need to discuss science laboratories and test tubes.

Today, he piped up with "boys like girls and girls like boys." And, me being me, I decided to delve further. So I asked why he said that and got the usual "I don't know" response. I said that mostly that was the case, but not always. That sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, it depends, we are all different... which then led to a discussion about how all our voices are different. Go figure.

He likes to give me the big questions, this child! Where does he get this stuff from?