Umming and Ahhing

Every now and then, I spend some time reevaluating the decision we made to have no more kids. It was not much of a fair decision, given that to do so involves a lot of treatment, a lot of stress for all 3 of us, a lot of money and a lot of travelling.

Mostly, I am happy with the decision to just make the most of our boy, and give him everything. Every now and then, doubt creeps in. It might be someone else's baby or pregnancy announcement, it might be looking at his baby photos, or something else that makes me wonder if I do want another.

J does not, but would support me if it was what I wanted to do. I think that perhaps many people when they complete their families - infertility aside - may have doubts. How am I to know this is not normal and unrelated to infertility?

I talked it over with a good friend which helped me work through all the thoughts and really get to the heart of it all properly which was good (thanks Em xx) and again I came back to the same conclusion. This was the right decision for us.

I have gone too far forward with this decision now to go back, and I like it here. I like where I am with uni and writing and I like that I can see travel and opportunities for Finn and for J and I. I may look back across the fence to the green grass at times, but if I stop and look around properly, I can definitely see it is just as green over here.

5 comments:

Lalee 28 July 2007 at 10:07 am  

Cripes chook I had a tear in the eye then.

Beautifully written.

Thinking of you xox

Vik 29 July 2007 at 7:08 am  

You write so beautifully, Kell.

FiestyKel 29 July 2007 at 1:13 pm  

Thank you! :)

*Lib* 4 August 2007 at 1:08 pm  

I feel the same way Kell. We have decided to not have anymore than 1 child, and constantly I wonder if I will regret the decision. BTW I love your blog, you write so honestly.

FiestyKel 4 August 2007 at 1:37 pm  

Cheers Lib, I think Finn and Sarah will both be fine, us mums on the other hand... ;)