Washington @ Detroit
Green Bay @ St. Louis
San Francisco @ Minnesota
Atlanta @ New England
Tennessee @ NY Jets
Kansas City @ Philadelphia
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay
Cleveland @ Baltimore
Jacksonville @ Houston
Chicago @ Seattle
New Orleans @ Buffalo
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
Denver @ Oakland
Miami @ San Diego
Indianapolis @ Arizona
Carolina @ Dallas
Combined MNF Score = 33
Washington @ Detroit
F bear and I just went on our daily trip to the letterbox. Yes, that was the excitement at our place today, mail time. And there wasn't even any mail. I (as usual) am getting away from my point!!!
Finn turns to me and says: "Race you back!" and takes off, and I, RJ stuck to my hip, tickle his back the whole way. He runs back inside, and I stop to grab some bread from the garage freezer on my way in. When I come in he is busy arranging his wooden alphabet letters.
"Don't look at what I am writing!!" he says gleefully, so I take the bread into the kitchen and faff about a bit.
"Okay! Come and see now. This is what you are Mama!" he announces.
As I wander over, I say, "Ohhkayyyy but if it says 'the loser' I might cryyyy" (and believe me, F is capable of that one, especially when he is channeling the cheekiness of his father; the joy those two get tormenting me is just evil!)
I walk over, and this is what he has arranged:
I swear to god, I almost burst into tears. I definitely welled up. My life is simple, I don't really achieve great things, but to one little boy, I am a hero.
What else could I ever possibly want???
I stole this from an email I got, it summed me up, so I stole it.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.
(That would be me... :-) )
But that was a long time ago and it was just that one day.
Nothing. I have no idea about Australian football, and yet... My American tweeties have talked me into participating in the Blogger Football League tipping thingy.
So without further ado, I have NO idea, I just pick the names I like... Has given me a giggle. I like the pretty place names.
Week 2 picks.
Carolina @ Atlanta
Minnesota @ Detroit
Cincinnati @ Green Bay
Houston @ Tennessee
Oakland @ Kansas City
New England @ NY Jets
New Orleans @ Philadelphia
St Louis @ Washington
Arizona @ Jacksonville
Seattle @ San Francisco
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo
Pittsburgh @ Chicago
Baltimore @ San Diego
Cleveland @ Denver
NY Giants @ Dallas
Indianapolis @ Miami
Points = 27
I was reminded again this morning, about the frustration people dealing with infertility face, and how misunderstood that grief is. When I was grieving my own infertility, at about the point that we decided to stop trying treatment and accept that we would have no more, I was so incredibly angry, so bitter, and you know what? I stand by it. It was hell and no one but those in it understood it, and it can be the loneliest feeling in the world. Most people I have come across with infertility issues, handle it with far more grace than I did, but do they feel the same as I did? Are they a seething mass of anger, and sadness underneath and simply handle it better? Are they better at projecting that outward, coping facade? Or was I really over the top in my emotional state? The end part of our journey is over at My Face Tube but there were 4 years leading up that last one, and it was the 2 prior that I was at my lowest and was often told I was angry, bitter and frankly, a bitch.
Funnily, it was the most liberating and freeing thing to do, was to be a bitch and to be okay with it within myself. Yes I am sarcastic, snarky, and with little tolerance for stupidity. But, I am okay with that. If you are not, see you later, thank you for stopping by. It is one of the silver linings of that whole period, that ability to accept and love about myself, that which others found so awful. I also made some of the most loyal, understanding and supportive friends anyone can make.
Someone wondered today, would they return to 'normal' when the infertility hell was over. Having waged that war, and eventually won it, I think no. Well, not the same normal as before, anyway. For me, it certainly eased, the wounds heal, but they leave scars, and they change you as a person. They change the people you surround yourself with, and they change you. It reminds me that there is a story to tell here. There is a voice that needs to be heard. There is normalising that needs to be done. The emotions of infertility are very often ugly, and confronting, especially to the smug variety of fertiles, but they aren't wrong.
They just are. And that's okay.
It is a story I am determined to tell.
The past month has impacted on me in a big way, two related events, yet very separate in my life too. Both involve that insidious C word. Last week, my Mum had her very last radiotherapy treatment. This followed several months of chemotherapy, and surgery for breast cancer. This week, her oncologist has told her he will see her in 3 months, she is done. It is beaten. The war has been won.
How momentous! It has been a very, very, long 8 months since she was diagnosed, many tears, many fears and some very difficult times. She did it though, she made it out the other side, and so have we, with her. It is very overwhelming, and difficult to comprehend that this is the end of it. To say we feel lucky is probably an understatement of the grossest kind.
Yesterday, Mum visited for the day. She still wears her scarf on her head, she is only beginning now to grow her hair back after chemotherapy. We were sitting, talking about a whole lot of things, when my friend posted a picture on twitter. I am not sure if you read Stepford Dreams (if not you ought to!); but my friend Carolyn, who authors this blog, I have known for a few years now. In all of this time, I have known of her best friend Alli and her own fight with cancer.
Yesterday, Stepford Dreams twitpic'd herself and Alli in hospital, it was a beautiful picture, a happy one. It made me smile. Then I looked at my mum, and burst into tears. Alli has not been as lucky as my Mum. I am aching for my friend Carolyn, and at the same time, I feel an appreciation, an incredible deep feeling of being grateful that I cannot express fully in words. I cried and both my Mum and I felt so sad, yet so so lucky.
I think too often, we take for granted, the people in our lives, we complain about the small things, we forget the bigger picture. We forget what matters. We don't realise how well off we truly are. We don't tell people often enough that we love them and that they matter in our lives. Today, I feel exceptionally lucky, but at the same time, a deep and aching sadness for my friend and the nightmare she simply cannot wake up from. I feel useless. There is nothing I can do, and that sucks. Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.
So, normally snarky, feisty me, not normally one for emotion or anything that could be construed as 'soppy' just wanted to remind you to count your blessings today, and to remember how much worse things could be.