Hippy style Parenting stuff

Controversial? ME?!

Okay so I used to consider myself a little bit hippy, I was into the breastfeeding co sleeping nocry sleep stuff. I still am, truth be told. With RJ, I have been unable to feed past 4.5 months which hurts like hell, and cosleeping has eased off as well as a result, the no cry stuff still happens now shes happier and we can do so.

BUT.

Some of the really crunchy shit gets my goat. For instance, a friend of mine recently posted a link to this thing on 'birth trauma,' - seriously?! My understanding is that some are so upset at not getting the birth the way they wanted that its warranting the term 'trauma' - and mostly its because the medical profession got involved.

Now I don't get it. I can understand the word disappointment being appropriate here, but trauma?! Come on... if the worst trauma you experience in life is not getting to birth your kid the way you prefer then life is pretty rosy for you! The baby is here, healthy, you're alive, you are all well, suck it up!!! Focus on THAT not on sooking that its not how you wanted. Well, F wanted ice cream for breakfast and he didnt get it but hes over it. I just think, how can it be THAT big a deal!?

I am upset that I can no longer feed RJ, disappointed, angry, sad... but TRAUMATISED? no. I am traumatised by Mums illness. People are traumatised by serious crimes. Perspective?! Geez....

And what pisses me off further is this whole anti medical intervention crap, and the rude, insulting names that doctors are often called for intervening when it is not the patients first choice. If they did not and your baby DIED, would you then be angry they did not or glad you got your way? I don't honestly understand. And if you are unwell, who are you going to go to? Medical staff no doubt, and they will be a hero if they catch your cancer in time, or save your babes life yes? But intervening in your birth makes them monsters worthy of abuse.

Beats the hell out of me. Is it just me that doesn't get it!? Please explain!!!!! I am open to learning and understanding on this. Teach me if you think you can!

6 comments:

April 13 May 2009 at 10:01 am  

I agree with you. I dont get how it is a trauma. God, doctors generally intervene for a reason, and generally a pretty darn good reason at that.

And I agree, if not being able to have a water birth is the most traumatic thing in your life, get some perspective and realise your life is pretty freaking rosy!

PS: stop blogging and go work on your Masters! :)

April

FiestyKel 13 May 2009 at 10:02 am  

LOL Can't... parenting. Good excuse?! Yet I can blog... :P I'm glad it is not just me too!

kate 13 May 2009 at 11:07 am  

Ahhh Kell, you know I am a bit of a crunchy one and am in full support of thei rights of women to birth in whatever way they see fit (and I'm talking full spectrum here from freebirthing to elective CS, whatever floats your boat).

I am a bit fence sitter on the birth trauma thing though TBH. I respect that some women do truly feel traumatised by their experiences... the term 'birth rape' that is bandied about in some circles springs tomind... and if a woman feels so disrespected and physically assaulted as to refer to it as a birth rape then yes, that is traumatic.

Then again, I don't have any time for creating trauma where none existed in the first place. Using myself as an example (and you know J's birth story which helps LOL), at the time of his birth I though yay all roses. In time though as I researched further into unmedicated unintervened birth preparing for Em, I did start to feel that maybe i t wasn't so great because there WERE instances of unnecessary intervention that I was too ill informed to object to.

And because of the circles I was moving in, I was encouraged to view i as traumatic, because it suited other ppls causes.

Now, many years later, I just think how daft am I? It was what it was, it didn't upset me at the time so why should it upset me now? I've since had two 'ecstatic hospital births' and whilst physically I was a lot better off, each of my births has resulted in a beautiful, wonderful PERSON and that surely must be my focus?

Ahhh dunno. Writing you an essay here LOL. I must be getting old, got very little time for militant standpoints on any of the old debates... vaginal vs CS, breast vs bottle, yada yada yada. Just because *I* breastfeed forever and choose natural birth doesn't make me any more or any less of a parent than anyone else. We all make our own choices. Own them. No regrets, no guilt. KWIM?

But as to trauma... I am sorry you are going through what must be a genuinely very traumatic time. I do get a bit tetchy about the use of the term in this regard... just cos, well wanna know trauma? Try the sudden and unexpected death of a family member within minutes of giving birth. That's pretty fecking traumatic! And in this sense I don't think you can compare it to not having the birth experience you wanted.

Rant over LOL. Much love to you babe :D

FiestyKel 13 May 2009 at 11:15 am  

You are such a voice of reason, Kate! I agree with what you are saying, though not heard birth rape before (and don't understand it so refraining from my initial reaction rant!)

I, like you, am well over those debates as well, and I think that is why this gets to me - live and let live. But trauma?! Yes, your case truly was traumatic with FIL, that is true trauma but a c sec to avoid problems - trauma???? Noooo.

I lost my crunchy!!!!!

kate 13 May 2009 at 11:24 am  

LOL I'm still pretty granola, but it's well hidden these days under the layers of school Mum and ballet Mum and playgroup Mum and basketball Mum and pram-loving Mum ;) And the layers of makeup required to hide the black eyes and wrinkles being all these Mums is giving me LMAO!

lily_may 14 May 2009 at 1:09 pm  

I agree 100% with you Kell. Me being me couldn't simply let that link lie without sussing out the origins of the clip.

What raised my eyebrows (even further) was the fact that the women who participated in that clip didn't necessarily think they had suffered "Birth Trauma" whatever the hell that is, but simply answered a call to supply photos of them looking sad, doped up or separated from bub!

I think that's pretty piss poor, and I think that forum would be the last place on earth I'd go looking for support!